Are you struggling with sexual intimacy in your RELATIONSHIP?
Is your sex-life feeling a bit ho-hum?
Have you started avoiding each other in the bedroom? Too many "I'm not in the mood"s?
Do you have fears about expanding your sexual repertoire?
Do you worry that you partner might drift away because of your lack of sexual connection?
Do you wish you could feel the same passion for each other like you used to?
Are you experiencing physical issues that you're afraid to talk about with your partner that may be interfering with your intimacy?
When intimacy goes from hot and heavy to chilly and awkward, it can take a real toll on a relationship. Sexual disconnection can creep up even in the best of marriages. One couple wants to but after having a baby (or three!), countless sleepless nights, where do they even begin to rediscover each other? Partners may have grown a bit bored from the same-old, same-old, but not wanting to hurt each other’s feelings or afraid to even bring up wanting to try something new, they just silently remain frustrated. Or when pre-existing or newly developed physical discomforts rob you from really experiencing pleasure, you've resigned yourselves to not ever enjoying sex because you don’t know who or how to talk to about it.
There is a long list of legitimate reasons for feeling sexually disconnected, but it really all boils down to the stories we tell ourselves about it that makes it all such a complex issue to untangle.
THE HOT-BUTTON ISSUE THAT LIVES IN THE SHADOWS:
Dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy in a marriage or committed relationships is a very common issue that is often left un-discussed in and outside of therapy, while entrenching disconnection for many couples. In fact, various research estimate that in the US:
15-20% of married couples are in a sexless marriage (having sex less than 9 time per year).
50% of women in committed relationships/marriages report being dissatisfied with their sex life.
Sexual intimacy represents 20-30% of the issues couples report being the most dissatisfied with.
Unlike the day to day communication issues that couples struggle with (“You didn’t do the dishes!”,“Ugh, why do I always have to ask for X?”—you get the picture), sexual disconnection can be the silent killer of the relationship that no one wants to talk about, not even in the middle of a fight. So many couples long to find a way back to physically reconnect again, but in the laundry-list of things to “fix” in the relationship, talking about sex can be at the bottom ("I don't even have the energy...").
Whether sexual desire evaporated first (because of painful sex, a history of low sexual desire, as a result of medical treatments, etc.) or became a victim to the emotional disconnection (“I can’t even talk to you, how can you expect me to be intimate?!”) , at the end of the day, you have lost the most primal way of connecting. So the proverbial feeling like you’re more roommates than lovers really can boil down to the fact that either you’re not enjoying sex together or you’ve completely given up.
You deserve to feel confident in your sexual identity and experience pleasure. Sex therapy can help you get on the same page when it comes to desire and enjoying sexual intimacy together.
SEX THERAPY CAN HELP REIGNITE YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
Intimacy is characterized by 5 key components: emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, and sexual. The theory goes, if you can attend to the first four elements of the relationship, then issues with sexual intimacy and desire will be inherently repaired. While that is often true, it may not be enough to address what can be at the heart of the couple's disconnection.
Sadly, too many couples leave counseling without ever discussing sexual intimacy, even though it plays a central role in perpetuating their disconnection. This is in part due to some of the shame and taboos around discussing sex and intimacy, but also because too many couples therapists do not have the proper training to address and provide sex therapy.
AS A SEX-POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST, I AM TRAINED TO ASSESS AND PROVIDE SEX THERAPY WHEN DESIRE DISCREPANCY IS part OF YOUR DISSATISFACTION WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
In fact, my training enables me to make a thorough assessment with each partner to help identify what is getting in the way of being more satisfied with your sex-life and create an action-plan to help you get there. Some issues are physical, others sexual, or relational. Desire resides in the intersection of all three. Through safe and open conversations, we will identify where, specifically, the intimate disconnection is happening for each of you and the solutions that can help you get through those stuck places.
Whether your difficulties are about desire, arousal, performance, or general satisfaction, the good news is, frequently, certain sexual discrepancy issues can be resolved in a handful of sessions. I will provide you with solutions you need to experience fulfilling intimacy at all levels.
YOU MAY STILL HAVE SOME QUESTIONS…
“Does sex therapy entail touching and exercises in session?”
No! Sex therapy is a non-touch, clothes-on, talk-therapy approach. I will provide you with a safe and open venue to talk about what’s not working for each of you. A lot of what we will discuss will focus on providing you with accurate information about sex, sexuality, and broaden your repertoire around sexual intimacy. And yes, there will be exercises that you will explore in the privacy of your own home.
“Do I have to discuss my issues with my partner present?”
Not necessarily. However, my focus is on providing sex therapy in the context of couples dynamics. So while you can feel free to begin conversations with me about sexual challenges you’re having during your individual sessions, the objective is to explore and resolve the sexual disconnect with your partner. ***Please note, I am not an AASECT sex therapist and do not work with certain sexual dysfunctions.***
You can bring the spark back into your relationship:
When it comes to sexual intimacy and disconnection, knowing what will get you in touch with your own desires, pleasures, and satisfaction is paramount to rekindling your love life. Whether the issues stand on their own or part of the broader picture of your relationship cycle, we can work together to get you both on the same page.
*** To find out more, I invite you to book a FREE consultation with me. I offer in-person psychotherapy in Westport, CT (Fairfield County) and online counseling throughout Connecticut and New York ***
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